una mezcla de mis sentidos.
All graduated and grown up now, yet it doesn’t feel like it. I will be returning to school, because unfortunately a Biology major these days doesn’t really call for much of a decent salary job - however, I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore! For the first time in my life. Medschool was always on the horizon, because I made it so. And 4 years + countless poor decision/crazy nights later I’m stuck here, unsure of what to do next. Maybe I didn’t want it bad enough and that’s why I’m here. Or maybe I’m just a dumbass and can’t figure out how to prioritize at 22 years old. Who knows. I’m starting to feel old, run down, and fat of all things. I always said I don’t care what I do in the future - as long as it guarantees some type of success for the future. But the more I think about it, the more unlikely it is that I can actually do certain things. I’m impatient, fast-paced, and efficient. I should probably live in the city and do something there. I enjoy stress, and I enjoy feeling overwhelmed. Even as a doctor I was going to study to work in the ER. But now - who knows. I have a couple more things I need to be figuring out.
I will be joining a boxing gym next week and hopefully that will jumpstart my road to a better life. With my sister, my brother, and I all at home now, I feel like this is the calm before World War X. I didn’t know how impossible it would be to live at home again until I’ve moved home. My boyfriend is relative until I can prove that I’m finally mature. My curfews, the rules, the uncertainties are all starting to wear me down. But I like it. Maybe this is what it takes to get me going to what’s next (unfortunately). Or maybe I’m doomed here forever. I guess we’ll see.
In the meantime - I think I’m going to read, for the first time in 4 years.
